There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
