Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
