I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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