he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
