Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i think i just lost a toe
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
