I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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