He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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