Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
