Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize