I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
