I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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