I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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