Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
