I just found puke in my bra..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
