Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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