My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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