i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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