What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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