Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
