every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
