just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
