apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
