every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
