wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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