i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
