Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
