I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am one with the molecules
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize