I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
