OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
