Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
