So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize