Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last time i carry you out of a forest
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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