in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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