They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
