We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i came on her dog
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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