Your tits are I can't wait for
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
