dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
