at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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