Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
