Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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