I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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