even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
