Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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