You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
