so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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