you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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