I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
