You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I need moral support for this bender
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
