Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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