Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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