I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
