Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
