im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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