Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Duck Duck Cougar?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Houston, we have a squirter
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
