I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Blood and glitter go together right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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