I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it was like eating out sand paper
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
