I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
