I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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