My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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