dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize