he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
