Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
