Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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