just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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