who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
