Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
