Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
